The Top Ten Reasons You Don’t Have a Job
I have been doing a lot of interviewing lately, as in looking to hire people. You see, the economy is getting better, which means employers are starting to offer people real jobs, the kind with living wages and benefits. Given the volume of job seekers as well as the plethora of whining I hear from ‘unemployed’ folks, you may be surprised to learn that the vast majority of job-seekers are the only ones standing in their own way.
That’s right. I’m talking about you.
Though experience has taught me it is futile to try to help people improve their odds of landing a job, I thought the humor value of writing this alone would make it worth while.
Without further ado, I present you with the top 10 reasons you (yes you!) do NOT have a job:
#10) Your resume blows! Seriously, the worst! And I’m not talking about your experience. Fully 50% of the resumes I get are practically unreadable. Specific infractions include: Formatted like hell. Spelling errors. Rambling monologues, mission statements, and personal interest sections. You sent an RTF file? Is this 1995? No dates of employment / No company name / No explanation of what the hell you did there.
#9) Your cover letter or (worse) resume references another job. And I quote: “I have absolute confidence my experience makes me a great fit for this Accounts Payable position.” (but it was a sales job!)
#8) The Phone Number on your resume is wrong or disconnected.
#7) Neither your resume nor email contained ANY contact information whatsoever!
#6) I called to schedule an interview, left two messages, and you never called back. Note: I used to write this off as ‘they must have accepted a job somewhere else’ until I regularly received a resume from the same person week after week.
#5) You tried to conduct a phone screen interview while a) skiing down the mountain b) changing a screaming child’s diaper c) eating d) apparently intoxicated e) watching TV loudly – I could go on and on and on….
#4) You were wise enough to defer the phone screen interview until a better time but insisted I needed to call you back.
#3) Your entire interview consisted of bad-mouthing your past employers. Apparently, every single one of them screwed you over and/or owes you money and/or is currently suffering the wrath of your attorney. Regardless of whether or not these allegations are true, this kind of conversation does nothing to sell your skills and further your candidacy.
#2) You performed ZERO research on the company, industry, or interviewer despite being given plenty of information and asked to do so in advance. When I ask: ‘What do you know about ABC Company?’ and your response is: ‘Well, I was hoping could tell me’, that is not a good sign.
And the Number One reason YOU DON’T Have a Job is:
You didn’t show up for the interview!
As in #6 above I used to assume they ‘accepted a job somewhere else’ until I regularly received a resume from the same person the next week.
Happy Job Hunting!
By Townsend Wardlaw